Standing Still
by SironaFlett .o.x.o
Summary: One-Shot songfic. Cordelia during the night after Doyle died. Song   "4am Forever" by Lostprophets


_Yesterday I lost my closest friend  
Yesterday I wanted time to end  
I wonder if my heart will ever mend  
I just let you slip away_

There were few and far between times where Angel did not feel like shit. As a vampire with a soul, he couldn't help but feel like crap. But nevertheless, he always managed to get the job done, even when those around him had given up or had died… No matter how bad the day was, he could make light of it. But today was the worst in his existence. Nothing he could do or say could make light of the tragedy that had befallen Angel Investigations. Allen Francis Doyle was dead.

_4 AM forever_

Angel sat watching the beautiful but tearful Cordelia as she watched the tape she and Doyle had made together. Her cheeks were stained with tears and she looked miserable. She had crept into one of Angel's large shirts and was wearing a pair of rather undignified sweat pants. She knew she looked a mess. She didn't care. Someone so rich in soul and so pure in existence and love had been ripped from her fingertips just before she had managed to fully appreciate him. Angel's link to the Powers that Be was severed. There was no chance of Doyle ever returning.

_Maybe I'll never see you smile again  
Maybe you thought that it was all pretend;  
All these words that I could never say  
I just let them slip away_

Cordelia pretended in her head that Doyle was merely sleeping, that he would come into the office tomorrow, stinking of scotch and complaining of a hangover. And she thought that the Irish could hold their ale. Angel managed to do it… Or maybe that was just another vampire quirk. Her eyes followed Doyle as he moved around the desk, confined to the frames of the television set. His undeniable charm as he nervously read out the cards behind the camera made Cordelia think of all the times he had made her feel special.  
_  
4 AM forever_

Would this terrible day cease? Angel questioned. Would it ever end? Could he not mourn Doyle? No. The Powers would never let him free to mourn his friend. Tomorrow would be another battle. Another fight. Another chance to earn points on Angel's redemption sheet. Maybe… Maybe he could as the oracles… Maybe somehow he could persuade them to bring his friend back. Cordelia yawned and told Angel that she was going to bed. Angel told her gently that she could take his bed for the night. She nodded and left. She fell instantly onto the soft pillows. She curled up to one side, imagining Doyle to be lying with her. His hand reached out for her cheek, wiping away the tears.  
_  
Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you (to you)  
Why don't you listen when I try to make it through (to you)  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Goodbye, you never know  
Hold a little tighter_

Cordelia sat up straight. "Doyle?" She called into the darkness. "Doyle!" No one answered her. She cuddled the pillow as she sat, rocking back and forth as the tears escaped her and rolled one by one down her elegant cheeks. His words echoed in her ears. His laughter. His perfect Irish lilt. Why was he gone? It was a pretty crappy price to pay for redemption. She felt a tiny bit of pressure on her shoulder, as if someone was reaching out to her. She looked around, wanting to see Doyle. No one. She didn't bother calling out. It must be Phantom Dennis, she thought sleepily. He must have come when he I didn't come home from work. She rested back onto the pillows as blankets were tucked underneath her.

_4 AM forever_

She wiped her tears, wishing for him to be at her side. Her beautiful Doyle. How many times had she insulted him and he never wavered in his love for her. She had no idea…

_Maybe one day when I can move along  
Maybe someday when you can hear this song  
You won't let it slip away_

She would never forget the strange little half-demon Irish man. Why had he kept it from her for so long? She didn't dwell on that. She didn't want to close her eyes. If she closed her eyes, then she would wake up in the morning thinking it was a bad dream. She couldn't forget how he had left them. Angel, a punch in the face. And for her… A tender kiss that had shown her how much he truly cared.

_4 AM forever_

Why wouldn't time move? It sat at 4:15am. Blinking, but never moving. She wished it would move. How long could she sit and wait for the sun. She couldn't sleep. Or at least, she refused to.  
_  
And I'd wish the sun would never come  
It's 4 AM and you are done  
I hope you know you're letting go  
It's 4 AM and I'm alone_

She rolled over. Wanting someone to comfort her. Anyone. Her entire body ached as the night's events were played out in her head. His face… He looked so scared, but so passionate. Like a man on a mission… Only the mission would kill him.

_Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you (to you)  
Why don't you listen when I try to make it through (to you)  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Goodbye, you never know  
Hold a little tighter_

She called out as she heard a creak on the floorboards. "Angel?" She whispered. No one answered. She pulled at the blankets. Someone reached out for her, trying to comfort her. She let them. They stroked her hair, kissed her forehead. She tossed and turned repeatedly, until a soft humming filled her ears.  
_  
Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you (to you)  
Why don't you listen when I try to make it through (to you)  
Goodbye, goodbye  
Goodbye, you never know  
Hold a little tighter_

Her eyes began to droop. She felt drowsy and drained. "Goodnight, Dennis," She murmured as she slipped into uneasy dreams.

4 AM forever...

"Goodnight Princess,"

**As you can probably tell by my other Angel Fics, I am a huge Doyle/Cordy fan. I love Glenn Quinn and his character. I heard this song and really wanted to write a fanfic about it. Please let me know what you think!**


End file.
